catherine1234

this is how I'm supposed to be.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:28:56 GMT

yesterday I found out that brand new and lady gaga are set to play here on the same day. this is actually the worst dilemma, cause neither will be back any time soon, I've already missed brand new too many times but I promised britt I'd go to lady gaga with her. in a "no way will this actually happen" kind of way I suggested to mum that I could go to melbourne for brand new and see both. I assumed she'd tell me it was the worst idea I'd ever had seeing as I'm already going over in february for placebo (speaking of which, those tickets are available to be picked up), instead she told me it was a good idea?! even dad's cool with it, even kind of excited. I feel bad because it's at least $100 in flights just to avoid a clash, but at least I can buy my sister a brand new ticket for christmas and be there with her. as well as the fact that brand new's on a sunday there so I don't even have to miss uni for it. I also told mum how much of the cardiology tour I wanted to do though, and she straight out told me that she didn't understand that because it was "too much like groupies". I always knew it would be hard though. I guess when the tour's announced I'll have to sit mum and dad down and try to explain it (it's hard though, cause I can't just tell them that it means so much to me because good charlotte have been there through my teenage years in ways that my parents haven't). I know that even if they don't like it though I'm 18 and as long as I can pay for it they'll let me do it.

I'm pretty sure I can pay for all this because my saturday superviser at work likes me, and told me she told the manager (we got a new manager, he's super nice and always smiling)to give me and another girl more shifts during our holidays because "she'd rather have people on who actually do their work". I'm pretty stoked because who doesn't want to hear that? haha. I'm starting at nine on sundays up until christmas, which is annoying and I complain a lot but it's good money. I have a nine hour shift next week and eighteen hours the week after (during uni time I was doing 7 hours a week, ha).

I had a two hour driving lesson yesterday, I went through the adelaide hills for my country drive then up to the city. it went better than I thought, though the freeway at 100km/h was terrifying and if it wasn't necessary to be alert I probably would have closed my eyes and screamed hahaha. I didn't stall that much; only a couple of times in the city and I got it going again pretty quick. I have another two hour lesson in two weeks, then my final drive should be scheduled for some time after christmas. I'll still have to do my hours but the prospect of having my license is actually getting exciting - I only learnt because I kind of felt obligated so it's good to feel positive about it.

I hung out with cathy-lee for hours yesterday and green day's on sunday. I like how my summer's going.

I'll never regret these years.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:59:48 GMT

so I've been meaning to update for about a month now but the time just hasn't seemed right. I have far too much to go over, so I'm just gonna suck it up and do it haha. I would put this in a cut, but my cuts don't work. I hardly ever do mass updates though, so deal with it :)

in short, the last month has consisted of this:

my head is still spinning.

me and tegan arrived in sydney at 8.30am on a cold, wet, windy monday morning. we were dragging massive bags, we hardly knew where everything was and we had no backup if anything went wrong. it was what I've been wanting to do for so long. we got to central, found a backpacker's place to leave our bags til checkin, got on a train and went to circular quay. we did the tourist things; the bridge, the opera house, darling harbour, etc. I won't go into the details cause it's really just tourist things. but the whole time, I loved it. getting on and off trains and buses to see where we ended up, new places, knowing we were so far from home. it was the best. next day we did bondi before we got on the bus to find the roundhouse for chris. we got off a stop early and I freaked out at tegan, hard. we got on the next bus, found it, and took up our seats out the front. it's hard to describe his speaking but it was amazing, and it was a really good atmosphere in there (aside from the loud cheering coming from the next room in inappropriate moments). he spoke about some pretty hardcore stuff that can't have been easy to say, but he handled it really, really well. at the end nat stood up and said some amazing stuff about him, then a girl gave him a framed piece of paper that we'd all written on. I put cathy-lee on the phone to him afterwards, and when I doublechecked if he remembered me from adelaide (I couldn't tell he's so nice to everyone) he basically merrr'd at me and told me of course, "we went to that coffee place". well excuse me whilst I go lie on the floor for a while. I spoke to him about remnants and it got pretty intense for a while, especially as he was talking to me, skye and tegan, and not the whole room. then I mentioned that I had a reply from when I entered the remnants competition but I didn't get it in time I found out that out of 130 entries, he replied to 24, out of which 6 made it into the book. so, in short, I would've had a 1 in 4 chance. damnnn, right? he stayed in the roundhouse for so long we got directed outside, we stayed for a bit until we figured we should be getting back. nat told us how to get home (I'd put so much effort into organising getting there to see him getting back hadn't even really bothered me), he gave me one of his stupidly massive hugs, I thanked him and told him that coming out to sydney was entirely worth it, he thanked me, told me to look after myself and get my punk ass out of there. I'll be honest, there were a few tears waiting for the bus back to circular quay, but it was cool. I think I was a bit overwhelmed mainly. next morning we got up early, I flew into melbourne, spent a good night with hannah (I think we both really needed it; going out for tea followed by gossip girl), flew home the next morning and went to uni.

I got back with two major essays to do, my film to finish and an exam to prepare for. basically, it was a crazy busy time, and especially the week after dean's drum clinic I had to really buckle down and not have a life for a little while. I got everything in though and I'm feeling fairly okay about it. I'm pretty sure I did okay in my exam, and I got an email today telling me my short film's been chosen to be shown in a showing of I think maybe about 20 films (there's at least 100 people in our course, so I'm stoked with that). I might upload it here, but it's only fair I show it to leigh first, seeing as he's one of my two subjects in it.

in between the mass of study was deano's drum clinic. I really had no idea what to expect, it's not that often that something like this happens, but it was incredible. we got to q at about 10, he came at probably around 4. he came out to see us (way to give me a heartattack man) and started casually telling us that he hoped we wouldn't be let down, and that he was playing six good charlotte songs and two the used (others as well, ben harper, morrissey and missy higgins). I didn't realise he'd be playing gc songs at all, let alone the used. he took photos with us, and a kid about 7 or something arrived at that time carrying drumsticks. dean asked if he was hear for the drum clinic, the kid said yes and dean was like "well that's me" and shook his hand, it was SO cute. we waited around til 7 and took our seats (front row and centre). he played us dance floor anthem, misery, the anthem, lifestyles, keep your hands off my girl and I'm pretty sure another but I'm having a mental blank of the worst kind right now? he also did the ripper, and the bird and the worm was freaking insane. he gave some pretty indepth, well thought out answers to all our questions and gave us as much time as he possibly could. we saw him off, caught the bus back to cathy-lee's, uploaded photos, got three hours sleep and got up at 5.30am to go to the airport. we saw him off there too, got more photos and went home. there is a LOT I'm missing out on here, but to be honest I'm not sure how to write it all up.

similarly, I'm not sure how to write up mest, but to put it shortly it was one of the best shows I've ever been to in my life. we got there at 11.30ish, there was no lineup all day. seriously, people only started arriving about half an hour before the show, when does that even happen? it was a long day, with a lot of false alarms when it came to them arriving. they didn't arrive til about 6.-6.30, and I freaked out, hard. I didn't even know I'd be that bad. I was shaking so bad, and I'm so happy I was with cathy-lee because if I wasn't all I would've done is freaked out from a distance. she dragged me over there, I asked for a photo with tony and he called lil rich over to get in it (like I wasn't losing my mind enough?). he was really sick, and considering I could hardly form two words around him he was really good to me. when we let in we claimed our barrier spots and sat through the four support bands (yes, four. ugh). I can't even describe how good mest were. especially considering tony had the flu, it was insane. it was everything I love about live music. the music was amazing, it was fun, the crowd was pretty good. my camera got killed at the end, I bought a small cheap(ish) one before I left for sydney, basically my gig camera so I don't have to drag my big one around everywhere. a crowd surfer went over me in cadillac and broke the strap round my wrist so my camera fell to the ground. I can still take photos, I just can't see anything on the screen at all, and it's probably not worth fixing. mum reckons it might be covered in house insurance, but to be honest, I don't care. gripping cathy-lee's hand and screaming out the lyrics to jaded and rooftops was worth more than any camera. after their set I ran to the station (I made the last train with less than a minute to spare but no way was I missing cadillac) came home, slept and went to work saturday afternoon.

finally, saturday night I went to town with some great friends for britt's 19th. it's funny how I can function in entirely different settings. I was so sure I'd hate going out to town, because it's just not my thing. and in lots of ways it isn't. I never feel like I'm dressed quite right, I don't drink much at all and dancing does not come naturally to me at all. but tha said it was a really good night, mainly because of the people I was with. I danced stupidly and normally and had fun doing both, I laughed at funny drunks, and I didn't have to worry about work the next day because I'd booked it off. I think my favourite parts were sitting outside shotz with tegan talking about summoning invisible shelter, the excitement of britt's requested birthday song coming on and me and leigh being complete giggling idiots on the bus home, for the whole way (all hour and a half of it, basically). we got home at 6am, it was light, we were half dead (me especially considering mest the night before) but it was a really good end to a crazy month.

now I have holidays until march. I'm gonna carry on with the gym (I had a checkup kind of session there the other week, I found out I've started to lose weight, I'm in a fairly healthy range and to be honest I think my body's worse in my head than reality), work all the hours I can get to pay for bands coming next year (placebo announced a melbourne sideshow. I'm stoked on this, because it means I might be able to actually relax at soundwave because I'll have already seen them do their own set), and hopefully move rooms. I'm moving into my sister's old room cause it's bigger and I need mroe wallspace, but we just found out our landlords are selling their businesses (they own two music stores, a grocery store and about 3 rentals) so we're waiting to see what's happening with the houses and there's no point in me moving rooms if I'll have to take everything off the walls so they can sell the house. I see green day in less than two weeks. cathy-lee's home from the mest tour today, I'm looking forward to three months of hangouts. I'm trying to find the right balance where I get to spend time with all my friends (my friends don't all mix and get along), and I think I'm getting there. a year ago today I was announced dux of the school, the day before formal and graduation. funny how things work out. some things change, some things don't.

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:16:43 GMT

yesterday stands out as one the single best days in my entire life.
it made everything that much more secure in my head; what I'm about, why I stick by the things I do, why I avoid the things I do.
chris got to we are godzilla, gave me and cathy-lee massive hugs, and when asked how he was replied "perfect".
he went to find green tea, we weren't asked if we wanted to come, we were asked "are you coming?" like it was expected.
we talked about tour, how many people would turn up, when we asked about his christmas tattoos he explained in so much detail. he charmed basically everybody in that coffee shop. sat up the front for his speaking, he was his usual amazing, inspiring and entertaining self. I handed him my letter when he was hanging around after, he told me "thank you so much, I appreciate it"; was he for real? I told him I was coming to sydney and he started telling me ideas he was throwing around for the sydney speaking. he hugged every person in that room goodbye when they had to go, then asked me and cathy-lee if we wanted to join him for dinner. we sat outside wicked pizza, him, us, nat and two other girls. we spent a couple of hours sitting outside on those tables talking about everything. he watched me stick a frigging chewy in cathy-lee's mouth and how I managed not to ram it up her nose or something I have no idea. he asked us to walk him to his car when his ride got there. he gave me the longest, tightest hug I've had in my whole life. I thanked him and he whispered thankyou to me - multiple times. I told him I'd see him on tuesday. he said goodbye to cathy-lee, they drove past and waved. and I don't think I've stopped smiling since. there's so many things I'm leaving out, because I don't feel the need to put it in.
it's 12.43am, I'm working on this ridiculous essay so it's not hanging over me when I'm away this week. I leave for sydney tomorrow, technically. I saw in cathy-lee's 21st sitting on msn, after a what, 6 hour long conversation?
I've never been better than I am today.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:54:39 GMT

I'm seeing hey chris the day after tomorrow.
I'm flying to sydney on monday.
benji was on gc chat this afternoon for nearly half an hour.
I'm so nervous, but if I can pull this next week off it's going to be amazing <3

bright lights.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:03:19 GMT

tonight: media pubcrawl
tomorrow night: town for emma's birthday, seeing a lot of people from school who I haven't seen in way too long!
october 23rd (ONE WEEK TODAY?!): hey chris, adelaide.
october 25th: cathy-lee's 21st.
october 26th: fly sydney to adelaide.
october 27th: hey chris, sydney. last speaking.
october 28th: fly home (via melbourne, so I'm not losing flight money).
november 20th: mest.
november 26th: brittany's 19th.
december 6th: green day.
december 14th: leigh's 19th.
january 29th: big day out (lily allen).
february 27th: soundwave.. placebo?!

my october plans being subjective to when good charlotte finally tell us what they're doing in australia, and my february plans entirely depending on placebo adding a melbourne sideshow. I'm gonna make it out alive.

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:55:55 GMT

I only really use livejournal to read my friends page lately, I'm on tumblr though: http://movieonmyeyelids.tumblr.com.

in other notes, I have been far too unproductive in these holidays but enjoyed them nonetheless. I joined mum's gym, finally. when chris gutierrez posted his blog about summer goals, I said I wanted to lose the weight I gained in year twelve, and learn to drive. I started driving a while ago, and now I'm losing weight. I can achieve it by our summer at least. I spent an hour working out there yesterday (20 minutes treadmill, 1km rowing and getting taught to use the weight machines) and then 45 minutes doing a cycle class. it nearly killed me and it was hardly worth getting out of bed this morning but I'm glad I did it.

I'm getting things sorted for my trip. I realised I can get a new camera with vouchers and birthday money, I'm booking accommodation this week and good charlotte a couple of weeks after. it's less than four weeks to go and I can't believe I'm doing this. I need it though, I think.

dad dislocated his elbow falling in an 8ft concrete pit at his work that they use for checking the bottoms of the buses. it was 5am this morning (so still dark), there were no chains around it and no lights. it's just lucky for him that he fell feet first and not head first. as it turned out, he's just a bit bruised and scratched, with his arm in a sling. it's pretty scary though! also, hannah's home again. she's gone through some pretty tough stuff in the last couple of weeks, but she's actually really good and I'm proud of her.

on a final note, I had my hair cut today. first time since that awful one in april. it was a lot more expensive, but to be honest it was entirely worth it. she cut it exactly how I wanted it, washed it and dried it, straightened it and told me how to style it.

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:57:04 GMT

Seven days of sharing:

~~Day one: a song~~
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

closure, by polaroid fame.
purely because I found it in my itunes today, having gotten a free download of it and never listening to it, and I fell in love with it.
http://rapidshare.com/files/286334263/17_Closure.mp3.html
this can be downloaded ten times, and I promise it's virus free. go for your life!

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:56:43 GMT

I wish I could make people understand how sorry I am that I'm not a better friend, or person I guess. that when one of my friends is upset it kills me and I wish with everything I have that I could help. but fact is I'm awkward all of the time and I'm no good at getting across how much I care without putting my foot in my mouth. I normally don't have advice, because I'm aware that when someone's in a shitty situation time is one of the only things that can help, but also hearing that doesn't help. I really, really wish I had answers for the people I love but I don't, because I'm still finding them myself. and it destroys me.

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 07:47:10 GMT

today was amazing, everything just worked. I went to my morning classes this morning (film studies, tutorial and lecture). I don't mind that tutorial but I don't really know the people in there well, but a girl I was fairly good friends with last semester has moved into our class! I didn't even know she was doing film studies, but apparently she changed into it fairly late then she was sick for a while. it was so good to see her though and I think we were both pretty stoked. I sat with her in the lecture and we exchanged numbers so hopefully next year we won't lose each other again, ha.
I abandoned my anthropology classes this afternoon for the sundance kids with cathy-lee and amy. it was a free acoustic, in the uni bar. how could I not!? I felt a bit weird about skipping my tutorial, just because it's the first one I've missed since starting uni. which really, it's ridiculous. everyone I know has missed far more than me. but I'm heaps glad I went to sundance kids. they are so frigging good, ugh. we stayed around for a while afterwards just talking, about nothing fantastic but it was good. I;ve been so stupidly stressed with uni lately it was nice to take some time out.
speaking of which, I think I'm getting there. I'm very close to finishing my film studies essay, and feeling pretty good about it. I'm not sure how my broadcast essay will go, I'll have all day tomorrow and saturday sunday nights on it, but I'm anticipating a couple of late nights on the weekend. it's not far to go though, I'm fine. I have a driving lesson tonight, I'm super scared to drive in the semi dark. I'm getting better though, and hopefullyyy I'll have my Ps by the end of the summer. I'm not desperate for them, but I just want to finish lessons and hours and have it done.

I've made a mess of me.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 08:12:29 GMT

This morning I left my house two hours earlier than I had to, sleep deprived and grumpy, to catch the train into the city then up to elizabeth. (my trip into the city in the mornings takes an hour and twenty minutes from when I leave the house to when I get to adelaide station, then elizabeth's about a half hour train ride). Basically, the way switchfoot have been promoting their new single is instead of just putting it on myspace or itunes or whatever, they DMd a few people on twitter and sent them the song (all in america). they burned the song onto a cd (or more than one), kept one for themself and hid the others, then tweeted where they hid them with #messofme in their tweet. if you find one you do the same. somehow it made it to australia. when I checked on saturday it had just made it to the goldcoast, and no way I thought it'd get here. yesterday afternoon someone tweeted that it was at elizabeth shopping centre, in the bark around the big tower thing with the e on it. luckily we've driven past there on the way to waikerie, otherwise I'd have had no hope, ha. I freaked out for a while, then got carl to help me and tell me how to get to elizabeth shopping centre. luckily the shopping centre is right next to the station, even I couldn't get lost. So I went this morning, no guarantees that the cd would even still be there. elizabeth shopping centre is definitely not the nicest place to be. I felt heaps suss cause the tower was in between the road and a construction site so I looked so suss going to find it, but seeing it there was ridiculously exciting! I love stupid missions, it reminded me of me and cathy-lee going to some guy's house to rescue josh from bce's shirt, hahaha. and the song is so good! I lovee this band. plus it made my mood a little better.

I don't know what's up lately. I met my friend on friday, like I said. and it was really good. we talked about everything, and I think we both accept that we're drifting and we need to up the effort on both our parts. I still have issues that I need to work through, but it's nothing to do with them. normally my bad moods go for a few days, this one's been going on for weeks. it's quite possibly just down to stress; I've been working on assignments more or less continuously for about three weeks now and on monday I've got two essays due, each worth 30% of that subject's grade. that and my friendship groups that I were so comfortable with are shifting. Eh, I've whinged about this enough.

My sydney/melbourne trip is in seven weeks today and I'm getting excited. I've booked two of my flights, I'll book the other when I get my visa debit (:D) card though hopefully this week. me and tegan are flying to sydney on the monday, chris gutierrez is either on the monday or tuesday, so we'll have a day for tourist stuff and a day for him. we're staying in a youth hostel in the middle of the city, I was a bit weirded out by the idea of a youth hostel but it looks super nice and has a pool/spa and everything. wednesday I'm flying to melbourne, hanging there still saturday (I'll be more or less entertaining myself since hannah will be studying, but that's okay), seeing good charlotte (!!) and flying home sunday. I don't think it's hit me that I'm seeing good charlotte; as soon as it was announced I just went into planning mode. it's costing me around $500 (not including getting around the cities, food or merch) which sounds like a lot, but I'm paying it bit by bit and I'll be fine. I saved all summer for things like this, and I'll start it again this summer. this is the biggest thing I've ever organised by myself, and it's really important to me that it works.

live for today, we'll dream tomorrow.

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 08:33:12 GMT

I am so incredibly excited for anberlin on sunday. they make me sososo happy! christopher gutierrez and good charlotte, in the same week, in october. spring's around the corner, and I'm stoked. things are changing, myself included. I'm still working on a big entry, coming soon! ha.

so far from where we started out.

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 08:53:55 GMT

Whooops, forgot to update. basically, I had a lovely birthday and I got spoilt a lot. my mum and dad made such an effort, I was so grateful. we went out for dinner on the friday night with brittany and leigh, and sitting at the table with the four of them was amazing. everyone knows dad at seaford hotel so they all made a fuss, they mentioned me during their meat draw and it was embarrassing, but really I would be surprised if dad didn't make a fuss. during dinner dad's friends had a cocktail sent out for me, it was so cute! saturday was spent very frantically getting everything ready for my party. it was stressful, but we got it done. and it was a good night, so many people I love all together, even if two of my absolute favourites couldn't be there. mum and dad left us the house for the night and I think they were fairly impressed that they came back to find it fairly tidy, even though that was only because I'm neurotic and was cleaning at 2am, then got up at 8am the next morning to carry on cleaning. I'll maybe post pictures when I get around to it, I haven't even myspace/facebooked them yet haha.

today is a super good day. I've been a bit down this week cause I got sick after the weekend and I've felt alienated by some people and worried about others. but I think it was better than I made it out to myself. the sun was out today and I felt better than I have in ages this morning. I put the gc on loud and went to uni with a massive smile on my face. I'm making changes in my life, I decided. I'm working on something big that I'll post soon. I had another driving lesson this morning, I did some homework, I saw britt and like I said, I put good charlotte on, haha. I have to say that walking home from my bus stop tonight it made me really happy thinking about how different I am now to when I started listening to them. I was 11 then, I'm 18 now. and they still make me smile just as much, if not more.

that's all for now, I'm gonna have a super big update real soon though. like I said, I'm working on it.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 08:30:31 GMT

I'm back at uni now. I think that this semester's going to be pretty intense, and getting out of bed when my alarm goes off is not fun (though I can't complain since my earliest lecture/tutorial is at 11am). Broadcast was boring today but sitting with louise and alice was good. I hated being in media at first last semester, because everyone already knew eachother. it's getting heaps better though, everyone's starting to know eachother, and I think that by next year it'll be even better. though that said, there was someone in there today that legit made me want to ram my head into a wall, for reasons I will not elaborate on. I think that if I keep organised story tech is going to be the best. we're making short films, and keeping production journals that are basically everything thrown into a workbook. I already have a livejournal/diary/myspace blog, one more can't hurt right? ha.
I'm 18 in three days! I'm fairly organised for the party now, I'm nervous that something will go wrong but, let's face it, I was never not going to be nervous. when am I not nervous about something? I'm going out for dinner on friday night with mum, dad, brittany and leigh, awh. I'm trying to be good with money this week. I get paid $50 tomorrow, but my anthropology reader costs $25 and I need new rechargable batteries for my camera, another $25. then I don't get paid the week after. great, right? lucky I'm not too bad off since I worked a bit more in the holidays.

live a little, live alot.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:41:15 GMT

yesterday and today have been so good! yesterday me and britt got pizza at our pizza hut and even though it was cold and starting to rain we sat on the benches outside like we always used to. there were a lot less of us than in the old days, but it was still good. then we walked up to spotlight (the rain got heavier at this point) and looked around for ideas for my birthday (I bought my queen of hearts crown!). we went to colonnades and I replaced the frame that my christopher gutierrez handwritten piece came in then we saw leigh at work. we saw bruno, which was funny, if very surprising hahaha. then we caught the bus home and I ran around like a mad woman getting changed, throwing dvds in a bag and heating up my dinner before I went to tegan's with teegan and madison for a movie night. I'd forgotten how good it is when the four of us are together. we had chips, maltesers, skittles and chocolate, as well as getting through a 2litre bottle of coke - not a bad effort. as well as movies we played some xbox game where we ran around dropping bombs on eachother while her brother laughed at us because we were terrible. teegan drove us home at 1am in the freezing cold, but I got home to find a hot water bottle in my bed, amazing.

today I saw cathy-lee so we could get our mest tickets (!!!!!!!) and do our last any day now video. we also looked for twilight stuff for cathy-lee's party and we looked in pet shops because we could. the baby rabbits were so frigging cute, if billie wouldn't sit on it I quite possibly would have brought one home. for our any day now video we went into a corner of the station where we didn't think we'd be disturbed... that is until a janitor needed to get to the cupboard hahahah. we both said our favourite things we remembered about our any day now times, and there was heaps more than I realised, awh. it was kind of sad, but it was good to see cathy-lee. I love that douchebag.

tomorrow I'm going into the city to see the first film for film studies (strictly ballroom haha) and seeing if anyone in the camera shop knows why my camera won't turn on. I have no idea why, but I charged the batteries and when I put them back in it won't turn on. like it doesn't even tell me to change the batteries like it does when it's flat. I'll be so sad if it's dead, I love my camera. anywayy. saturyday is my grandparent's 65th wedding anniversary, and I'm going up to waikerie for their big lunch. there'll be heaps of family there and it should be good. except for the fact that mum's going up on friday, so early saturday morning I have to catch the noarlunga train to the city, then the whole gawler line to gawler central, then get picked up by my great aunt and cousin and driven to waikerie. then I'll drive back with mum (three hours) then it's the work bowling night that I didn't want to go to but tegan put my name down haha.

and next week it's my 18th! I have heaps left to organise, but it should be a good night. I'm excited anyway. hopefully people put effort into their costumes so I don't look like a loser, ha. I'm hoping that chris gutierrez will confirm his tour dates soon so I can book mine and tegan's flights for the last sydney show. I'm not going to melbourne cause it's cathy-lee's 21st, but standing at his last ever show is gonna be crazy. then in november I'm seeing mest at the uni bar. I can't handle the fact that tony lovato is going to be at my uni, at a place where I walk past most days I'm there. insane!

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:20:12 GMT

so I had my driving lesson today. I was so ridiculously scared I could've easily phoned to cancel, but now I'm really glad I didn't. I'll be honest, I'm not good at driving, and it does not in any way come easily to me (I guess it doesn't help that I have to learn manual). but my instructor was really good. first of all he went through he order of what to do in the car, which I couldn't actually get until he explained why it's done in that order, and after that I remembered it okay. he actually spent a lot less time explaining the mechanics of it than dad did, but then he told me what to do step by step and I managed to leave the kurb and I spent a while driving around port noarlunga south. I don't think I went over 30km despite him telling me to go faster because it feels insanely fast but I think I did okay. then he went through the order of things in starting and stopping. I had to do it twice on my own for him to tick it off and it took many, many attempts but I got it. he said he thinks a lot of it is nerves because when he directed me I did fine, it was when I was stressing about getting it right that I got confused. but anyway! I got it. I got three things ticked off today and on a bigger note, I'm nowhere near as terrified of driving as I was before the lesson. the idea of being on a busy road and doing any of the more technical stuff still terrifies me but I guess it's a case of one lesson at a time. anyway, I feel a whole lot better about it and I have another lesson next week.

tightarse tuesday tonight with hannah and (hopefully) cathy-lee. wednesday of last week I stayed at britt's with leigh, stef and annelie. we stayed up talking about everything and anything til 2am and got up in the morning and drove down to victor harbor maccas, then back to drop britt home and back up to seaford. I'm fairly confident with where britt lives now, which is good. I layby'd a whole bunch of toy sale stuff at work yesterday, it's exciting haha. wow it's super cold today. annnd I've run out of things to say. ha.

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 05:50:56 GMT

today I booked a driving lesson for next tuesday. I'm terrified and not sure I'm ready, but I should've thought of that before I got my Ls. I spent over $100 getting them, I'm not paying to get them renewed in two years. so fingers crossed I don't end up in tears, haha. I also went into town today and spent about $80 on new jeans and cds, whoops. I'd forgotten the power of retail therapy though. and I got a pretty decent pay this week, though I can't say the same for next week since the extra shifts I thought I'd picked up had already covered, most likely by younger and cheaper people. thanks, big w. hopefully going to brittany's tonight, should be good! it's july 1st, I have one more month of being underage.

I had to edit this; how I got so many typos in one sentence, I have no idea.

there's more to living than being alive.

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 06:05:09 GMT

friday nights was one of the best nights I've had in so long. it was donna's 18th, and leigh drove me and brittany there in his ute that has no heating or radio but is a lot of fun. we stayed there for a while, but then left because they were gonna go to town and I'm still underage and britt and leigh were poor. I was hungry and we didn't want to go home so we ended up driving to reynella maccas (why not seaford or even noarlunga, I am not sure). after going through the drive-through and realising we didn't know what we wanted, we went inside and sat there for a while. then we decided we'd drive brittany home to mount compass, despite the fact that it was dark and we'd only been there once and would have to get home without her directing us. so we're going a long the main road, talking and laughing a lottt, then we hit what was probably the heaviest fog I've seen since england, in was insane. plus, bearing in mind we were in an old ute, we didn't have foglights, but just high beam that reflected the fog right back at us, and had to be held on. we could see practically nothing that was ahead of us for about the last ten minutes. we made it though, and coming back wasn't as bad since we weren't driving into the fog. we even managed not to get lost! I'm pretty sure we all got home with massive smiles. I'm not sure what it was, that night was just everything it should have been. so much laughing and stupid conversations. best.

there's a fair few things happening over the next few weeks and I'm excited. I'm also managing to pick up shifts at work. I got an extra 8 hours this week, and apparently we get paid double this week ? something to do with this financial year having 53 weeks, not 52. I don't understand it, but if they want to pay us double I'm not complaining. they didn't give me extra shifts for the toysale which I was pretty annoyed about, but it looks like I've got an extra two shifts already lined up. should cover my birthday weekend (coming uppp! I'm gonna watch alice in wonderland this week to get costume ideas and food/decoration ideas. I may even book a driving lesson. I'm going to britt's again tonight since we have tomorrow off. also, hannah gets home tomorrow!

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:20:50 GMT

I was just trying to find ticket prices for placebo. I was looking on ticketek and realised that friday 15th, when I was sure the melbourne show was, does not exist because the 15th is a tuesday. so I double checked the original article. those dates, and the article are from their meds tour of 2006. that's why the dates weren't on their page. they're not coming in september. I'm okay, kind of. they'll still come here eventually, just a little later. maybe the festival time of year like I first thought. I just feel really stupid. ugh.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 09:11:28 GMT

my exam is done, and therefore my first semester. stoked! next semester's gonna be pretty crazy seeing as I have placebo in september and hey chris in october. crazy for my bank account also, ugh. I didn't know what to do with myself today with no work or assignments haha. brittany slept over last night so we bummed around this morning, then I sorted out my entire wardrobe and found heaps for op shops. thennn I installed the sims on this computer and played it, went for a walk with mum and came online for a bit. tomorrow I'm going to the library to get books that I choose to read, not have to. sounds good to mee.

coming up for air.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 08:26:43 GMT

so I've been revising for english all day. and hannah starts talking to me on facebook chat, and tells me she's got my birthday present sorted but she has to tell me now cause it requires some organising. then she just CASUALLY ASKS IF I'VE SEEN THE PLACEBO TOURDATES ?!
and I lose my shit and google it in about thirty seconds to find this:

Come September, Australia will bid welcome to the long awaited return of the glorious alchemy and anarchy that
is Placebo, one of the truly individual voices in rock.
Friday 15: September MELBOURNE FESTIVAL HALL
Saturday 16: September CANBERRA ROYAL THEATRE
Monday 18: September BRISBANE CONVENTION CENTRE
Wednesday 20: September SYDNEY HORDERN PAVILION

I've looked at their tour dates before this was announced, it's pretty much continuous til december except for september. it didn't even really occur to me they'd come here then, I figured it'd be next year. GUESS NOT? hannah's buying me a ticket to the melbourne one for my 18th, which I'm so glad about because tickets go on sale july 7th and I'd have trouble affording it. um best present I could possibly get?
I can't even.. ugh. I'm glad I'm home alone considering my reaction. three months, less than. well that's the end of my exam revision, ha.

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 09:02:42 GMT

all my assignments are in! my essay actually went a lot smoother than I hoped. now I just have my english exam on saturday, which I should probably be more concerned about but, eh. I'll manage. saturday night me and leigh went down to brittany's new house in mount compass and it was one of the best nights I've had in a while. we laughed at nothing, a lot, got annoyed at leigh when he decided he was every bit as good as will smith's son in pursuit of happyness and imitated him and ate too much.

today I went with brittany to cafe primo for louise's birthday and I don't know what's in their ceaser salad but it made me insanely hyper and it was a lot alot alot of fun. I met some good people there and then we went to britt's tafe (the other end of the freaking city) to help her put up her barbie sculpture in the girl's toilets, it looks so good!

next week I'm on holidays and I'm gonna finally join the gym and take up swimming again, get a stack of books from the library and hopefully have hangouts with cathy-lee. and sleep. my sleeping pattern's been screwed lately, I'm drinking more coffee then I ever have in my life. annd speaking of books/library, I finished my friend leonard, the james frey book that follows a million little pieces. I don't think a book's ever made me cry that much haha, it destroyed me. it's amazing though and I'd absolutely recommend it to anyone.

:D

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:25:52 GMT

woww, busy few days. not that I've really left this spot but I've had big assignments due for everything other than english, for which I have an exam next saturday. I've done all of them now except my 2000 word anthro essay, due monday. hence why I actually got up earlier this morning so I have no excuses. I have so much to read through before I can write it, argh. ah well. I'll get it done because I have no choice, that's always how I work haha. I will most likely not be so positive by around 5pm tonight but for now I've had sleep, I have coffee and the whole day to work on it.
on another note, I think my bank is screaming at me. I got my anberlin ticket yesterday, $50. I'm fairly scared to phone ticketek and find out how much greenday is, not gonna be good news I'm pretty sure, but I'm not missing this show. then chris releases new merch at the same time and I'm screwed. at least it's not the birthday season is all I can though. though speaking of that, I'm 18 in less than two months. it's not like I haven't had time to get used to the idea because I've watched the vast majority of my friends turn 18 in the last year but it actually freaks me out a little bit. ugh, what am I gonna be like when I turn 30?! nervous breakdown? ha.
alright. essay timeee.

a heart that hurts, is a heart that works.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 13:43:20 GMT

tonight is a good night.
new placebo, argh <3
it's different, fairly different. but it's been three years, you'd hope it wouldn't be a copy of meds. his voice is better than ever. I can't even, ugh. so many times it just makes me stop like HOW? I need to listen to it a few more times to really get it I think, though I've already fallen in love with it. I've had good conversations with my favourite favourite people today and things are definitely on the up again. I guess I was due for some turmoil, it was in the odds. it is so rainy and windy outside, sitting inside with slippers and my old seniors jumper is the best.
I finished my photo essay, two more assignments and my exam and I'm done. I get my english essay back tomorrow, fairly nervous but I'm alright. I didn't get asked to rewrite it and therefore I must've passed.
things are good.

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 07:58:22 GMT

I would've thought I'd be the exception.
now I just feel stupid for making that assumption.

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 02:28:14 GMT

actually, you know what? once the relief that he's okay is passing, I'm devastated about chris. I'm still shaking. there's one person on this earth who understands how significant march 22nd was for me. it changed a lot of things. this is going to be really, really hard.